just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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