Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
