Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
