I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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