Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
