So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
