I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
