You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
