he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
