I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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