508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
