That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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