apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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