I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
