If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
