You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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