so that wasnt chicken after all
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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