they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i've created a new STD.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
