Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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