I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
