your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
