Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
