Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
