hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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