glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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