Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
