Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
