Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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