How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
