Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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