3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
