just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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