we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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