I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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