Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
