yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
