she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
