He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
