The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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