Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
