I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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