you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
