So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so let's talk penis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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