I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
