My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
