Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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