you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
