i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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