he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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