Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
