they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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