her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
