you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
