Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
