Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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