What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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