Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
